


Oboeteiru no deshou?

by averyverymary



Category: Bleach
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Character Death, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sex, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-25
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-03 14:16:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 26
Words: 4,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/699146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/averyverymary/pseuds/averyverymary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oboeteiru no deshou?-Don’t you remember?</p><p>Renji Abarai never expected to reminisce about events of the past. Even when they involved happy memories of his friend and his wife. Because he didn't want to remember.</p><p>HisagixOC<br/>One-sided RenjixOC</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oboeteiru no deshou?

**Author's Note:**

> Am I such a tragic person?
> 
> [1] Don’t you remember? in Japanese. Inspired by the song "Obscure" by Dir en grey.  
> [2] This quote was my senior quote.

He saw an old friend. It was his long lost friend, Shuuka.

“Shuuka! It’s me, Renji! Shuu-“

He stopped in his tracks. He knew it was her, but there was something… something absolutely disturbing.

Her body was stained with red. White robes that caused the red to contrast greatly. A wicked and teasing smile on her face. Her hair like smooth corn silk.

The shadow of her former self.

“Shuuka… what’s wrong? Why do you look like that?”

She turned to look at him.

“Oboeteiru no deshou… [1]”

He turned speechless. What the heck did she mean?

“What are you talking about?”

She turned to face him completely, and he happened to notice the blood pool below her feet.

“Shuuka… you-“

“Renji~”

She held her arms out towards him, and he hesitated. How would Shuuhei have reacted to the sight of her?

“I love you~”

Renji instinctively took out his sword, and slashed her.

As she fell, he muttered, “The Shuuka I knew was absolutely faithful to Shuuhei. You’re not her.”

The fake gave him a twisted smile. “Well, she was long gone with her baby. All I had to do was take over~”

“You killed her baby, didn’t you?”

“You can see the blood and my robes.”

“You murderer!”

“Well, time for me to take my leave~”

A dark smoke quickly expelled from her body, and disappeared off to the skies before Renji could do anything. He took a look right back at her body and saw the amount of blood. It was too late for her. 

‘Looks like the child was ripped out.’

He quickly took that thought back when he heard crying nearby. He turned to the sound, and when he approached the sound, he saw the dead body of Shuuhei Hisagi, with stab wounds all over. Renji found that his arms were wrapped around the crying baby, blood staining the cloth that covered it.

Renji gently picked up the wailing child, and quietly cuddled it.  
“You’ll be fine… you’ll be fine.”

* * *

 _I remember when our memories used to be like hell._ [2]


	2. When our memories

_“Renji~”_

_He turned to see his two friends, Shuuka Inagari and Shuuhei Hisagi._

_“Hey.”_

_She smiled at him. “What are you up to?”_

_Renji sighed. “Nothing much. Trying to get away from work for a while.”_

_“Don’t be slacking off now!” Hisagi joked._

_“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”_

_“You’ll have to catch me first!”_

_At that remark, Hisagi used shunpo to get away, and Renji was left with an irk mark on his head. Shuuka giggled lightly. “Oh, Shuuhei .”_

_“What did he mean, Shuuka? You’re the smart one.”_

_“He meant that you’re a monkey… which I think is a bad pun since your Zabimaru is a monkey… right?”_

_“It’s a chimp with a snake tail.” Renji muttered._

_“I see. Well, I have to stop him. I think Ikkaku slipped something in his drink earlier, just for kicks.”_

_“Oh god. Where would Ikkaku get something like that?!”_

_At the same time, they both said, “Yachiru.”_

_Shuuka grinned sheepishly. “Well, Shuuhei has to get back to work, so I guess I’ll see you later?”_

_“Yeah. See ya around, Shuuka.”_


	3. Used to be like hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darker and darker. Every chapter will transition from the past, such as either from Renji's memories or the past itself, to the present.

Renji snapped out of his thoughts when he felt a small tap on his arm. He looked down to see Rukia.

“Renji. It’ll be all right.”

He nodded glumly. But deep inside, he felt so torn. His two friends were gone. He watched as some shinigami investigated the scene, especially Kensei Muguruma. Well, the captain had lost two important subordinates, so of course he would be involved.

Rukia gently cradled the baby. “The poor thing didn’t even have a name.”

Renji said, “His name is Kohei.”

Rukia turned surprised. 

“I’ll take care of him. For their sakes. That’s what they would’ve wanted.”

She smiled gently. “If that’s what you wish, then I won’t have any qualms. You would make a fine parent for him.”

Renji nodded. He then took a look at Shuuka’s body, which was currently being carried away to 12th Company for examination. He felt his heart rip.

‘Shuuka…’


	4. baby, I'm not a monster

_Renji sat on the roof of his quarters, and wondered about the many things that had happened._

_The day he escaped Rukongai to the Shinigami Academy._

_The field day when his fellow classmates were attacked, and the day Hisagi gained his scars._

_The day he graduated._

_The day he became lieutenant of the 6th division._

_The day he learned that Shuuka and Hisagi were dating._

_**They were dating.** _

_Renji felt his heart break when he heard the news. A little monster started to grow within him._

_**It was utterly terrifying.**   
_


	5. i cannot replace the bonds we used to share

Several Months Later

Renji looked down at Kohei. Kohei was currently sleeping, holding the baby blanket Shuuka had intended to give Kohei when he was a few months old.

‘What would both Shuuka and Shuuhei do if they were taking care of you?’

He sighed, and turned away to sit down.

He still missed them.

‘Shuuka… if things had been different, would you still… would you still had spent your life with me?’


	6. the birth of another monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything's deliberately ambiguous on purpose.

_’That bitch. I hate her. ‘_

_Let’s kill her.’ ‘_

_Dead forever. Dead forever!’ ‘_

_I like what you’re saying!’ ‘_

_Let’s do it when she’s at her happiest!’ ‘_

_When? When?!’ ‘_

_When she thinks everything is all right…’_


	7. killing me with the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kohei is around 7 at the time of this chapter.

Several years later

Renji was currently teaching Kohei about the world of Soul Society.

Kohei was carefully listening.

His hazel eyes glimmered in innocent happiness.

Oh, if he only knew…

He snapped out of his haze when he felt tugging at his sleeve. He looked down to see Kohei stare at him.

_Eyes just like his mother._

“Is there something you need, Kohei?”

“Daddy, Uncle Kira told me that you aren’t really my father, that my parents died long ago…”

Renji froze. He felt the dread deep in his gut.

“Th-that’s true… I took care of you because it was the best choice at the time.”

“Will you tell me about my parents?”

Renji clenched his fists. He remembered the memories he had repressed shortly after their deaths.

‘Why now? Damn you, Kira!’

 


	8. black and blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is mentions of abuse.

_Renji was in his office one night when he heard a knock at the door. He stood up, and when he opened it, he saw a sight that still haunted him even in the present._

_**Shuuka stood in front of him, with blue and black marring her skin.** _

_She looked up at him with tears in her eyes.  “Renji…”_

_He quickly guided her inside, closed the door behind him, and gently placed her on a chair. He brought out an ice pack and a blanket for her, and she placed the ice pack on her right arm. She groaned in discomfort._

_“What happened, Shuuka? Why do you…”_

_“I’m fine, Renji! I just tripped, that’s all!”_

_He gave her a hard glare. “Don’t lie to me, Shuuka Inagari. I’ve known you well enough to know you’re lying.”_

_She released a shuddering breath, and placed her hands onto her face, and curled up slightly._

_She then looked at him, and he could see the shame and fear in her eyes. “It was Shuuhei… I mean, I headed to the bar to take him home, but I think he’s had a few too many…  I managed to drag him to his quarters. And, uh… yeah! So that’s how it goes.”_

_Shuuka had a smile on her face, but Renji could see her trembling._

_He slowly went over to her, and hugged her gently. She turned surprised._

_“You can stay here until you feel better.”_

_She frowned for a moment, but then said, “All right. Thank you.”_

_When she fell asleep, Renji bit his lip._

_‘How could he do such a cruel thing to her?’_


	9. uncomfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting the chapters for this fic so quickly because I already had chapters ready. I'm just posting until I run out, and I need to get back to writing... well, all the fics I've abandoned.

Renji knew he couldn’t hide forever. He looked at Kohei, and said, “Follow me.”

Renji headed towards the direction of the Shinigami Academy with Kohei right behind him.

When he had stopped, Kohei said, “This is the Shinigami Academy…”

“Come with me.”

Renji took Kohei deep into the heart of the Academy, and led him into a courtyard.

“That’s where your parents met, a very long time ago… your mother was the same age like me and Kira and Hinamori. Your parents both met in this very courtyard.”

Kohei slowly walked forward and took in the sights of the area. “Did Mommy and Daddy love each other very much?”

Renji felt the dread. How horrible the memories were. Of black and blue, tears and fake smiles…


	10. demons in the spirit world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: more implications of abuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tsuki-Ryumaru is Shuuka's zanpaku-to.

_Tsuki-Ryumaru, in her humanoid form, marched over towards the spirit of Kazeshini. She grabbed his neck with a clawed hand._

_“Tell your master to stop harming my master. She is miserable, and it’s starting to affect me.”_

_“It’s not my problem. It’s something else… there is evil in his inner world.”_

_She stepped back from him._

_“So it’s not another of your little mischievous actions.”_

_He glared at her._

_“I won’t dare kill you, Kazeshini. Now, tell me what is going on with your master. If you do not tell me, I will resort to desperate measures.”_

_Kazeshini sighed and rubbed his head in annoyance._

_“Ok, look, Maru. I like killing, all right? But I would never go that far, especially not with trying to influence my master to harm your own, all right? It’s something else in his inner world… something that’s been hiding from me. I can’t even sense their presence. It’s like… it’s like they’re the demons in his heart trying to take over!”_

_A shocked look appeared over her face. “Demons? And you think they’re unnatural?”_

_“Of course I do, woman! I’m the only natural thing in him.”_

_“So wrong, Shini.”_

_“Don’t call me that. Damn it, you’re weird.”_

_A smirk appeared on her face, but it quickly faded away when they both heard high-pitched screams._

_Tsuki-Ryumaru screeched, “Master!”_

_“Damn it!” Kazeshini dashed off in the opposite direction with his weapons in hand. Tsuki-Ryumaru dashed back into her master’s inner world, and she saw the blood red that had stained the silvery landscape that was her inner world. The screams got louder._

_Tsuki-Ryumaru stood there helplessly._

_“Master…”_


	11. a little happiness among the sadness

Over the course of days, Renji told Kohei everything that he knew about Shuuka and Hisagi…

But he never uttered anything about the black and blue, the tears and fake smiles.

One day, he showed Kohei a picture of his parents.

“Wah! Mommy’s so pretty!” Kohei exclaimed with glee.

“Yes… she certainly was.”

“Daddy is handsome, too. Did Mommy love him because he looked so good?”

Renji chuckled weakly. “Not really. There were some traits that he had that she fell in love with.”

“When I grow up, I’ll find a pretty lady just like Mommy and marry her!”

“Only if she feels the same. You’ll understand when you get older, Kohei”

“I can’t wait, Renji-occhan!”


	12. rage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will only get darker from here on out.

_More black and blue._

_Shuuka had to go to Renji for comfort._

_“Renji… he asked me to marry him.”_

_He turned shocked, and took a look at her. Tears ran down her face, already marred with bruises._

_Renji clenched his fists in rage. ‘Why would he ask her to marry him if he was hurting her so deeply?’_

_“Shuuka…”_

_“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say anything… I’m sorry…”_

_At that point, she dozed off on his couch. Renji sat behind his desk. His knuckles turned white._

_“Shuuka… don’t marry him. He…he would only keep on hurting you.”_


	13. visiting the graves

Renji led Kohei up a hill, towards two grave stones.

“Is this…”

“Yes. Those things mark your parents’ graves. They were buried here.”

Kohei went over to the graves cautiously, and patted each of them.

“We’ll have to come back another day. It’s not their death anniversaries yet.”

“Okay.”

They both walked back his division. A strong wind blew in the area, and a petal fluttered into the air.

The scent of roses lingered in the air.


	14. red-handed and blackmailed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: physical abuse.

_”Shuuhei? Where are you?”_

_Shuuka ran around Soul Society. The lantern in her hand shook from her movements. The rain splashed against her umbrella, and she sneezed from the feeling of the icy rain creeping up her spine._

_“Oh, Shuuhei, where have you gone?”_

_Suddenly, she heard the sound of a bottle being shattered. She started to go in the very direction._

_“Shuuhei? If you’re there, say some-“_

_She stumbled upon her boyfriend, with bottles of sake near his form. She dropped the umbrella slowly, along with the lantern._

_“S-Shuuhei…”_

_He turned his head and gave her a casual look, uncaring and mostly cold, like the rain that started to pelt her entire being. She started to tremble, but she forced herself to stay strong._

_“There you are… let’s go home, the rain might make you sick and-“_

_Suddenly, she felt a hand on her shoulder, and she released a cry when it gripped her roughly._

_“You just don’t know when to leave me well enough alone…”_

_The smell of alcohol filled her senses. “Shuuhei…”_

_She felt a push, and her back met the ground._

_“Ah!”_

_The sounds of shrieks filled the area, and the sounds of punches filled her ears._

_“Shuuhei, stop!” Shuuka cried out._

_He stopped his actions. He slowly placed himself onto her and straddled her._

_“I know your secret, Shuuka.”_

_She froze. She didn’t have anything to hide from him. What was he saying?_

_“I know that you like Renji.”_

_Her eyes widened with shock. “T-that’s-“_

_“Don’t you dare lie to me! Do you think that I’m blind to what you do after? You always go to his place!”_

_“That’s because he takes care of me!”_

_“Shut up!”_

_A slap rang through the air. Shuuka slowly placed a hand on her cheek. It stung with the pain and the betrayal of her boyfriend._

_“I won’t tell anyone about your affair with him. And you have no choice, either way. I could kill him and make it look like an accident or do the same for you if you dare tell anyone.”_

_She shook with fear and horror. He was not the Shuuhei she loved. But she also knew she had no choice. She had to protect her friend…_

_“… All right. What do I have to do?”_

_“Just stay with me and marry me, just like I asked you a few days ago. And you better spend the rest of your life with <strong>me</strong>, or say bye-bye to him.”_

_She nodded in fear._

_She felt her heart shatter into pieces…_


	15. purgatory

Renji placed Kohei onto a bed for his nap. When he was completely asleep, Renji looked to his side and saw the spirit of Shuuka. His eyes widened slightly. Shuuka looked at him with a warm smile.

_"Thank you, Renji~”_

His mouth curved into a small smile. Such a surprise to see her. Was she in purgatory?

“Hello, Shuuka.”

She gave him another smile in reply, and reached a hand over and rested it onto Kohei’s small head.

_"So vulnerable… but I’m glad that you are taking care of him.”_

“It’s the least I could do.”

_”…”_

“Why are you still here? Why didn’t you appear earlier? Why-”

She disappeared before he could say anything else.

 


	16. love like roses and thorns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some lime here.

_Pain shot up her spine like a snake. She bit her lip to force down the cries of her pain._

**_It was not pleasurable at all._ **

_As he moved against her body, she thought of something else. Something else…_

**_The pleasure felt more like a rose with its thorns bared, sharp and prickly. It stung her deeper than the stab of a hollow’s claw._ **

_As he released her, she didn’t feel sated. She hated it. Hated it._

**_She thought of another man in the bed._ **

_“What are you thinking about?”_

**_’I’m thinking about how I wanted to be with someone else…’_ **

_“Nothing much, Shuuhei.”_

**_’I hate you.’_ **

_“Hmph. Come here,” he muttered, and he pulled her into a forceful kiss._

**_’I hate you so much, Shuuhei Hisagi!’_ **

 


	17. death knocking at the graves

The anniversaries were today. Renji and Kohei went up to the graves.

“Well, here we are. Kohei, go ahead and lay out equal amounts of flowers and fruit for them, would you?”

“Okay~” Kohei’s carefree voice rang into the air, and he eagerly started to organize the items. Renji looked around for any sign of Shuuka’s spirit.

‘Come on, Shuuka. Where are you?’

“-but mommy should have more flowers since it seems to suit her-”

‘I know you’re here with us, somewhere…’

“-and daddy should get more apples than oranges if mommy would get more flowers-“

_'Renji.’_

Renji turned his head to see Shuuka’s spirit. But something seemed wrong.

“-ah, there we go, got it! Now to set it up…”

‘Shuuka… those chains…’

_’Do not mind them… it seems that his grip on me is far more stronger than I had anticipated._

‘No… not Kazeshini’s chains…’

_'He is afraid. He thinks that I would disappear from him. But how could I with these chains binding me to here? I want to move on… this place has given me so much sorrow…’_

“Renji-occhan!”

The spirit quickly disappeared, and Renji turned to see the graves set nicely, albeit with some errors.

“Oh, Kohei.”

“Did I do a good job?”

Renji couldn’t help but smile a bit at the look of Kohei’s innocent smile. He approached the graves and knelt down.

“Just rearrange the offerings like this and… there we go!”

“Yay! Thank you, occhan!”


	18. even if it kills me to see you in that wedding dress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the title is a reference to Taeyang's Wedding Dress song.

_Renji read the sign that stood outside of the building._

_‘Wedding of Shuuhei Hisagi and Shuuka Inagari’_

_‘Shuuka…’_

_He stepped inside, and decided to visit her. He stepped into the bridal room and saw her. She looked up at him in utter surprise._

_“Oh, Renji! It’s nice to see you!”_

_“Hello, Shuuka. So it seems that you are getting married.”_

_“Yes, I am…”_

_“You look amazing today. The kimono suits you well. And that pin is a nice touch.”_

_She flushed a bit and she cracked a small grin. “Thank you, thank you. You look nice too, Renji.”_

_But she couldn’t fool him. He noticed the sadness that flickered within her eyes._

_“Shuuka, is there something more to it?”_

_She looked at him nervously._

_“No, Renji, please, don’t ever ask me anything about it. No one needs to know, and quite frankly, it’s for the best.”_

_“Shuuka, I know you well enough to see that you would never hide anything from your friends. Now, what the hell is going on? Why did you accept his proposal when he gave you pain? Why?!”_

_She looked away from him in fear._

_“Renji… Shuuhei and I are moving into the mountains. We’re still going to do our duties, but just a bit differently. When we leave, you’ll find a letter in your office. It’ll explain everything for me. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…”_

_At the same time, Kira opened the door and announced, “Inagari, it’s time!”_

_She quickly stood up, and left the room, but not before she sent Renji one last look, and then she left with Kira in tow._

* * *

_Renji watched from the sidelines as Shuuka was led to the altar with Captain Kensei at her side to lead her there. He couldn’t help but notice how beautiful she looked, despite the pain he knew she felt._

**_’If only that was me…’_ **

_And soon, Shuuhei Hisagi and Shuuka Inagari were married in the eyes of the Captain Commander and every shinigami in attendance._

_The reception went well. Shuuka pretended to be happy, but she knew deep down that she had signed herself off to a life of misery…_

_What had she done?_

_As if her newly-wed husband had read her mind, he leaned over and hissed softly into her ear, “Remember our deal, Shuuka.”_

_She slowly nodded, and when he looked away, she bit the inside of her cheek and her knuckles slowly turned white. Oh, how he was toying with her! She hated it, hated it!_

_Renji noticed what she was doing, however._

_‘Why is she so worried? Did he do something to her?’_

_But he was helpless to do anything. He remembered the injuries that she had the past several years, and he knew that if Hisagi could do such a thing, he was probably capable of more. Maybe she was threatened…_

_A voice broke into his thoughts. “Renji, you want something to drink?”_

_He turned his head to see Rukia. She held an extra glass of champagne._

_“Sure.”_

_And as he downed the drink, his heart tugged painfully._

_‘I want to forget it all already…’_


	19. meet me in dreamland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's in the letter? Ohhhh.

Renji had just fallen asleep. Shuuka hovered over him body like a wraith.

_”Renji… wait for me.”_

When Renji opened his eyes, he found himself on a white plane. It seemed to stretch on for miles.

‘W-where am I?’

Suddenly, he saw her apparition in front of him.

“Woah!” he recoiled in surprise.

_”That’s not how the Renji I knew would react. You acted more like Ichigo.”_

Renji snorted in amusement.

“Who cares about him? What are you doing in my dream?”

A serious façade creased her features.

_”We need to talk. About… the past. What we once knew. What I know. What you know.”_

Renji, in turn, put on a calm face.

“That letter… I want to talk about that.”

Shuuka placed a hand over her mouth. _“No, not that…”_

“You can’t avoid it. Sooner or later you will have to say something!”

She averted her gaze. How could he…

_”That blasted letter caused me such great pain…”_

“It doesn’t matter. Now, what do you have to say?”

She turned her head to face him. _“Very well…”_


	20. that blasted letter

_It was a few days after they had left._

_Renji stood at his window and looked out at the mountains. Then he turned his head to see a simple white envelope with his name on it and the sender’s name._

_‘From Shuuka Inagari to Renji Abarai’_

_He decided to read the letter. He removed it from the envelope, and started to read the letters imprinted on the paper._

**_To Renji:_ **

**_There are many things that I want to tell you out loud, but I am afraid. Terrified. I am terrified of that monster. You would find it funny that I do not fear hollows because I knew I can defeat any hollow that comes my way, but this monster… this monster I cannot kill myself. Renji. You should know as well as me who is that monster._ **

**_Shuuhei Hisagi._ **

**_I cannot say anymore, so here is what I can reveal: he has threatened my life and your life if I do not comply with any of his terms, and if I tell anyone about the things he had done to me._ **

**_Run, Renji. Go far, far away, and never speak of this. Don’t even think about uttering a single word to anyone else. I do not want them to be involved. Even if it’s for my safety._ **

**_I’ll be strong, Renji. For my sake. It’s just for a little longer…_ **

_Renji felt bile curl within his stomach, and he covered his mouth to prolong the feeling of dread crawling up his throat._

_‘No. No, no, no…’_


	21. revelations in death

“If you won’t tell me…”

_“The letter… I had to write it. If I had died so early, who would know the truth? I might as well remain in purgatory forever and my bitterness would haunt the places that I once had walked upon…”_

“Because then no one would know the truth. Is that right?”

_“… Yes.”_

“Shuuka, I know the truth, and not because of that letter. I have known you too long, and I have seen you at your worse.”

She remained silent. He could see the occasional twitch on her lips.

_“You haven’t read between the lines of that cursed letter, have you? If you had, you would understand why…”_

“What do you mean?”

_“…I have always had feelings for you, Renji.”_

Nothing had prepared him, not even with years of training, not even with the numbness that he had carried with him ever since her death, for the shock that he had felt right now.  



	22. cracks in the inner mind

_”Master…”_

_Tsuki-Ryumaru looked at her master, with absolute worry in her eyes._

_Shuuka remained quiet, lying down on the ground. Her belly was slightly plump with signs of a child. Black and blue marred a bit of her upper arms and there was a small cut on her cheek._

_Uneasiness settled in Tsuki-Ryumaru’s stomach. Her eyes looked towards the right. Bits of it were slowly disappearing…_

_The pond next to her was a bit turbulent. The dragon that usually was in the pond was gone. The silvery landscape, especially the mountain in the distance, was topped with sheens of red._

_Tsuki-Ryumaru turned her head to the left, and it was all darkness. What used to be there was a lovely Japanese gazebo where Shuuka used to relax and rest. There also used to be a very wide plain where master and zanpaku-to used to spar, either for shikai or bankai improvement. All of that were lost to the darkness…_

_Tsuki-Ryumaru felt rage surging through her body. She couldn’t do anything about the state of the inner world. She screamed in rage, “Why do you torture me so, Master?!”_

_She started to cry. She felt so helpless. Why did her master have to suffer from such a fate? She kept on screaming until her throat was raw with grief. All the while, a lone tear escaped from Shuuka’s eye._

**_’I’m so sorry, Tsuki-Ryumaru…’_ **


	23. don't do that

“No, no, don’t do that to me, Shuuka… haven’t I been tormented enough?”

_“Do you think I enjoy your pain? I’m just admitting a truth that I couldn’t tell in real life!”_

“I know you want to move on… but what can I do? I’m just a living soul… and you are long gone.”

_”Don’t you dare tell me those things when you’re the coward for not being able to save me when I needed your help the most. You’re so fucking shameless, Renji!”_

“Shut up! You didn’t have to accept his proposal! I would’ve protected you, even if he ends up killing me!”

_”Then why didn’t you stop the wedding?!”_

He froze. Why didn’t he do that?

“…Don’t pull the guilt trip card on me. Don’t do that.”

_”You cruel bastard.”_


	24. the monster wants to strike

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case this confuses you, this is inner dialogue of the monster that kills the couple in the beginning...
> 
> Every chapter is just going from the present to the past. I believe it's every odd for the present and every even for the past. Just a note for the readers!

_“I’m ready to kill them. I’ve had enough of this.”_

_“You don’t have to forgive me. I would rather go to hell than live this stupid life.”_

_“Yeah… I’m not sorry. I’ve had enough.”_

_“Heh… maybe you did deserve this fateful death. You didn’t deserve to live. So flawed.”_

_“I’ll never be sorry.”_

_“You can’t ever make me feel sorry…”_


	25. uncertain quoted

“And what about you? You’re the cruel one for keeping silent and causing more problems.”

She froze, though she couldn’t turn pale because of her state. She released a soft sigh.

_”You don’t have to forgive me… but first… I did not see the being that killed me. Shuuhei did not kill me. Something else did.”_

His eyes widened. “So…”

_“He tried to protect me… but it wasn’t enough. I’m just glad that he managed to protect our son…”_

Renji sighed. “I feel bad for Kohei… he deserves to have his parents.”

_”I blame myself; I wasn’t good enough for him. I don’t deserve to be a mother.”_

“I thought you would’ve made a wonderful mother.”

_”Thank you. Ah, the dawn comes. I must go. I’ll see you later.”_

Renji woke up with the sun in his eyes. He wondered… would Shuuka keep on visiting him in his dreams? Tormenting him until he found the truth?

The thought lingered on his mind.


	26. the child grows

_Shuuka placed a hand on her bloated stomach. Despite her situation, the child grew each day…_

_An ironic image of health and pain._

_She took out a small calendar and a certain date was circled in red. Two weeks from now. Anything can happen. But what can happen? What’s the worst that can happen?_

_She whispered softly to her belly, “My little baby… what will happen to Mommy? Will you be safe from it? I’ll do anything to protect you…”_


End file.
